I’m a writer at heart, so I guess it never really settles for me until I pen it out.
I anticipated a lot from us, but I never anticipated this. You were my favorite confidant, no matter how aggravating or seemingly senile. Even though, prior to this, I walked away from us my fair share of times. This time hurt the most. This time feels different—rather, more permanent.
How do you forget your best friend? Someone who you shared the most overwhelmingly abundant details of your existence with? Someone you connected with, possibly a strong contender for soul mate? Someone who let you be the angel, while never neglecting to play devil’s advocate? Someone who loved you, and you…were thinking about it? Truth is: you don’t. You never will; no matter the posturing, crazy phone calls or twitter subliminals. You can’t prepare for the cut, there are no brake pads, and when it happens it’s likely to numb every ounce of live-free angst in your soul. Loving you has been one of the most profound, intense, painful experiences of my life.
But in looking back… I am so much better for having known you. I celebrate our memories, eccentricities, and whole-truths. I don’t know how I expected it to end. Now, or if ever, but I’d do it all again—in a heartbeat. Each and every moment, laugh, pushed boundary, appropriated subtext, gift, love letter or shared secret was an experience. What an experience… And although ill-gotten and purple in prose, some of life’s moments are best served in repetition. And just like two freight trains in the night, we lived for the collide.